ANALOGIES YOU PROBABLY WON'T FIND IN GREAT LITERATURE

More things I got forwarded, don't know who compiled this collection, but they are quite amusing!

 ANALOGIES YOU PROBABLY WON'T FIND IN GREAT LITERATURE
            compiled by: Unknown
 can be downloaded from: https://www.edlin.org/sitemap.html
 
 He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
 guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
 those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
 speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
 eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.  (Joseph
 Romm, Washington)
 
 She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
 dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door
 open again.  (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
 
 The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
 bowling ball wouldn't.  (Russell Beland, Springfield)
 
 McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled
 with vegetable soup.  (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)
 
 >From the attic came an unearthly howl.  The whole scene had an eerie,
 surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
 "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.  (Roy Ashley,
 Washington)
 
 Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.  (Chuck
 Smith, Woodbridge)
 
 Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the
 center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
 
 Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
 T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:lw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by
 mistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
 
 Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.  
 
 He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.  (Jack Bross, Chevy 
 Chase)
 
 The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
 fry them in hot grease.  (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)
 
 Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a
 movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like
 "Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)
 
 Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
 grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
 left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
 at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.  (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
 
 The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr.
 on a Dr Pepper can.  (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)
 
 They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
 resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
 
 John and Mary had never met.  They were like two hummingbirds who had
 also never met.  (Russell Beland, Springfield)
 
 The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet
 of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
 (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)
 
 His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
 underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
 
 The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. 
 (Jennifer Frank and Jimmy Pontzer, Washington and Sterling)
 
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